THE MANOR By Jason Morningstar * * * FRONT MATTER THANKS TO Joshua BishopRoby, Brendan Adkins, and Graham Walmsley for thoughts on types * * * INTRODUCTION In The Manor, the players assume the roles of a crazed medieval household, filled with moronic nobles, haggard servants, and troublesome interlopers. Play centers around insurmountable problems in which the foolish blue-bloods find themselves enmeshed - problems that their ever-reliable retainers must silently and efficiently resolve. Part of the fun is that no one knows who is central to the story until things heat up - one of your three characters will stand out, but which one? There are three acts, and you drop a character after each act. * * * PART ONE: BUILDING THE MANOR The manor's cast of characters consists of a noble family, their servants, and an unlikely assortment of visitors, rapscallions, and ne'er-do-wells known collectively as knaves. Every player will assume ownership of, and responsibility for, a master, a servant, and a knave during play. There's a big sheet of paper that has all this information on it that you will fill out as a group prior to beginning the game. Start with the player who is hosting and rotate clockwise throughout the three steps of the manor generation process. If you are playing in a public place or at a convention, start with the player who owns a copy of the game. If more than one person owns a copy, start with the player who brought the most dice. STEP ONE: CHOOSE WHO WILL PLAY WHO Choose who will play who. Each player, in turn, should write their name next to a character on the character sheet. Start with picking a servant, and then a master, and finally an as-yet-amorphous knave. There are a few guidelines: 1. You must select a family member, a servant, and a knave. You can't play two servants and a knave, or three family members, or only two characters. Three it must be, and one of each sort. 2. Your servant cannot report to your family member, or to a family member not in play. If another player does not choose the Chambermaid, Her Ladyship is not available, for example. If you brought in the Nurse, you can't play Young Miss. Work together - mutual dependencies are fun. 3. If you are hot for a particular character, choose it first or communicate your desire to your friends! Initial decisions will affect which other characters can be brought into play. For example, if you choose the Tutor, then Young Sir will by default be one of the nobles, and you may not play him. There are no restrictions on which members of the family will show up - His Lordship may have no heirs and only an irritating Cherished Relative, for example, or perhaps His Lordship and her Ladyship are attending the royal court, leaving the manor in the incompetent hands of Young Sir, Young Miss, and a Cherished Relative in a three player game. Any character not chosen (there will be some in games with less than five players) should have "NPC" written in the name space. They are community property and can be introduced to the game as window dressing if desired. THE MASTERS His Lordship is the hereditary lord of the manor. His faults are many and his virtue singular, but he is the apex of the feudal hierarchy and his word is, unfortunately, law. Her Ladyship is the wife of His Lordship. The ultimate authority in matters feminine and maternal within her domain, Her Ladyship stands as an imperfect and fearsome edifice. Her power is frequently far-reaching and terrible to behold. Young Sir is the heir apparent. A child of unspeakable wealth and privilege, his attitudes have been shaped by an utter lack of accountability. He may be a mere child, or he may be a hot-blooded knight eager for his father to die. Young Miss is the daughter of the Lord and Lady of the manor, her brother's equal in conscienceless depravity. Like Young Sir, her age can vary from stumbling toddler to unmarried burden. Our Cherished Relative is an aunt, uncle, or cousin to His Lordship or Her ladyship. Shamelessly or obliviously living off the reluctant largesse of His Lordship, Our Cherished Relative has become a fixture in the manor and cannot be ejected. THE SERVANTS The Dogsbody is His Lordship's butler and valet. Privy to every detail of His Lordship's life, proclivities, and bodily functions, the Dogsbody is, by necessity, a man of discretion. The Chambermaid is Her Ladyship's attendant and dresser. She may be young and pretty or an old crone, depending on the whims and insecurities of Her Ladyship, but she will be quick with a soothing platitude and a hair brush. The Nurse is Young Misses confidante and companion. If Young Miss is of age, the Nurse becomes The Chaperone, protector of a maiden's virtue. In either case, her principal responsibility is to protect Young Miss from knowledge of any sort. The Tutor is Young Sir's instructor and aide-de-camp. If Young Sir is of age, the Tutor becomes The Chaplain, a young man's spiritual guide. Regardless of his position, it is his central duty to keep Young Sir alive and sound of body, an occasionally difficult task. The Cook is Our Cherished Relative's friend and confederate. The Cook oversees a staff of beleaguered aides, including a baker, a brewer, several kitchen scuts and a goatherd. Like Our Cherished Relative, he is not a man prone to hard work, and the two have a natural affinity. THE KNAVES Each knave has two types, as chosen by the players. Each type must be related in some way to a specific player character, and these must include both a servant and master. For example the Fighting Man, knave to His Lordship, is also the Drunkard, a degenerate alcoholic who will cause The Cook no end of problems. The Peacock, knave to Her Ladyship, is also The Rake with his lusty eyes on the Nurse. Knaves exist to complicate the story. They are supposed to make everyone's lives hell. Be sure to make knaves relatives, close friends, or old enemies when you can. Each will intersect with the lives of a family member and a servant in some awful way. EXAMPLE Mike, Val, and Joel are getting together to play The Manor. They're playing at Mike's house, so he gets to go first in manor-building. It's a three player game, so figuring out who can play what is slightly more complicated as we'll see. They begin with step one, choosing player characters. Mike explains that he'd really like to play Her Ladyship, and everyone agrees to make this happen. For his first player character, Mike chooses the Tutor. Joel really wanted to play the Chambermaid, and by happy coincidence that will help out Mike, so he snaps her up. Val chooses the Nurse, and it is again Mike's turn to pick. He gladly picks Her Ladyship. Joel can choose between Young Sir (because Mike chose the Tutor) or Young Miss (because Val chose the Nurse), but in reality his choice is made for him - because Val can't play the master of her own servant, he has to pick Young Miss. Val ends up with Young Sir, and each of them gets an as-yet anonymous knave. Mike: Her Ladyship and the Tutor Val: Young Sir and the Nurse Joel: Young Miss and the Chambermaid STEP TWO: ASSIGN TYPES After the first step, you will know which characters will play roles in the story as it unfolds. The next step is to determine those roles are. Types are a sort of shorthand, categories of the sorts of colorful people that you want to populate your manor. The types that are chosen will affect the story you craft in a powerful way, so choose some that you will enjoy interacting with. Each can only be used once, so cross them off as they are assigned to characters. Each master and servant has a type that must be assigned, and each knave has a pair of types that are tied to other characters. Continue rotating, with each player adding a type until each player character's slots are filled. You can add to characters you have claimed in step one, or to other player's characters. Although you are free to invent your own type, the suggested types are Bastard/Spurious issue, Clown, Criminal, Curmudgeon, Debtor, Drunkard, Emissary, Fighting Man, Firebrand, Gossip, Hypocrite, Imposter, Innocent, Invalid, Lout, Lover, Lunatic, Melancholy, Monster, Nuisance, Official, Opportunist, Optimist, Peacock, Prude, Rake/Wanton, Revenger, Rustic, Stoic, and Tyrant/Harridan. THE TYPES IN MORE DETAIL There are two broad categories of types - those that are primarily amusing and will lead to hilarity in play, and those that will serve to complicate things nicely. All of these are described in masculine terms, but apply equally to male and female characters. THE AMUSING TYPES The Clown may be an actual jester, a peasant boy fond of cutting capers, or someone with a reason to hide behind paint and masks. Not all fools are foolish! The Curmudgeon hates everyone and with good reason - they are, to a soul, complete cock-ups, incompetents, and rubes. Sure, they have plans, but they are bad plans and they will inevitably come to ruin. And who will have to pick up the pieces? The Drunkard may be widely known, or a secret tippler. In either case, he will either stumble into some important affair, or neglect a critical duty at some point, stinking drunk. The Hypocrite is high-minded and sacrosanct and full of speeches and good advice that he does not, on any account, follow. The Innocent may be a virgin, or a child, or a member of a monastic order. He may not be as innocent as he appears. If the Innocent is a virgin, she will makes an irresistible target for the Rake, or even the Lover. The Lout is some manner of rough and uncouth scoundrel - a swineherd, a bully, braggart or uncivilized ruffian. The Lunatic is howling mad in all the right ways, and excused for his excesses, which is frequently quite convenient. The Melancholy is sad, of course, and shuffles from place to place without hope or expectation. His downcast eyes see many things, and if he cared he'd have some interesting stories to tell. The Nuisance may be a petitioner, or an enthusiast, or an energetic sidekick. Whatever his motivation, he is constantly in the way and terrifically irritating. The Opportunist will stop at nothing to better his position by buttering up his superiors with transparent flattery and honeyed words. He's always looking for an angle and a spare coin. The Optimist naturally sees the bright side to every disaster. His counsel is cheerful, his outlook superb, and his presence insufferable. The Peacock may be someone of noble birth, with excellent connections and flawless breeding - His Lordship's social better. A visitor from court, a foreign relative, or a pretender would fit the bill. He may also be a commoner with delusions of grandeur, perhaps the mayor. The Prude, usually in the form of the manor bailiff or village priest, is ever-watchful and suspicious of anything remotely enjoyable that might contradict either civil or religious law. The Rake/Wanton is a promiscuous person who, if not held in check, will rut like a boar at every opportunity, with anyone available. The Wanton may a randy villager or perhaps a harlot, fancy boy, or His Lordship's favorite cup-holder. The Rustic is the true salt of the earth - a simple, pleasant person who prefers a good lamb-shearing to all the fuss and bother of putting on shoes. THE COMPLICATING TYPES The Bastard/Spurious issue is a child of love, perhaps, or at least not a child of lawful marriage. This may be shameful or it may be a point of pride, but it is always interesting to others. The Criminal is a scandalous minor outlaw - perhaps a poacher, sneak-thief, stage actor or fugitive noble. The Criminal may or may not be in disguise. The Debtor owes someone a lot of money - possibly His Lordship, but possibly the local criminal money-lender. In any case, the debt weighs heavily and people are out to collect. The Emissary brings tidings from far away - good perhaps, but far more likely very, very bad. After such a long journey, they'll expect a grateful reception, a comfortable bed for a while, and a nice leg of mutton. The Fighting Man is schooled in impromptu blood-letting and probably feared by those who do not hate him. He could be His Lordship's feudal lord, a wandering knight, or even a notorious highwayman. He might even be a woman in disguise. The Firebrand is someone not content with the status quo. The village reeve or mayor, perhaps, or a rabble-rousing peasant, or a neighboring lord with a boundary dispute. The Gossip hears everything and shares it as widely as possible. The truth behind the rumors the Gossip spreads is secondary to their titillation value. The Imposter is not what he seems. He is, in point of fact, something else entirely! The Invalid, poor thing, is frail and wan and probably spends his days sunning in a side chamber, plotting murder and revenge. The Lover could be a suitor, tempter or seducer of any member of the masters - possibly more than one! When combined with the Wanton in a single individual, a Casanova-like parade of indecency can ensue. The Monster could be anything from a savage prisoner chained in the cellar to a peasant with cauliflower ears. This is the type for anyone strange-looking, foreign, notorious, or just really interesting. The Official is an imposing figure with the authority to, well, pass judgment. He might be an actual judge or a tax collector, but a conscripting sergeant, church official or royal magistrate would also be good. The Revenger, as might be expected, burns for revenge. He'll get its full measure, by God, and soon! The revenge he exacts may not be against the character to whom he is tied - perhaps he requires some foul manner of help in carrying out his plan. The Stoic has seen it all and nothing surprises him. He patiently bears the indignities of life with remarkable aplomb. A perfect type for any servant! The Tyrant/Harridan lords it over his quivering inferiors, issuing arbitrary, cruel pronouncements and being known for his skill with a horsewhip. Nobody likes a tyrant, but tyrants tend to do pretty well for themselves anyway. EXAMPLE Mike, Val, and Joel continue to build their manor. Going in turn, they add types to the characters as they see fit - Val starts by making Young Miss The Innocent. Joel really wants Young Sir to be a violent nut job, so she makes him the Fighting Man. Mike, happy that Young Miss is so pure, makes his Knave The Rake, with Young Miss as a focus. They continue to add types until all the characters have one or, in the case of the knaves, two. The results read like dramatis personae: Mike Her Ladyship, a prude The Tutor, a gossip Knave #1, rake (Young Miss) and optimist (Nurse) Val Young Sir, a fighting man The Nurse, a clown Knave #2, lout (Chambermaid) and debtor (Her Ladyship) Joel Young Miss, an innocent The Chambermaid, a tyrant Knave #3, official (Tutor) and firebrand (Young Sir) At this point everyone is very excited by the tangled knot of sex, violence, and intrigue that seems to be emerging. Will the rake seduce Young Miss? Will the firebrand kill Young Sir? What does that official want with the tutor? STEP THREE: ALLOCATE QUALITIES. Qualities allow players to paint characters with broad strokes. Every character has both positive and negative qualities. Family members and servants have three qualities and knaves have two. Like types, qualities are singular and cannot be reused. Each player, in turn, can add a quality to any player character in the game. The sheet will slowly fill up, and you'll have a chance to add qualities you want to see in play to both your own characters and those of other players. Family members have one positive and two negative qualities. These can be expressed as "X, but Y and Z": Clever, but lazy and unreliable. Servants have two positive and one negative quality. These can be expressed as "A and B, but C": Courageous and flexible, but cruel. Knaves have a single positive and a single negative quality: Funny, but ugly. Make up your own qualities - if it is an adjective that will be fun to play, it will work! In case you need some inspiration, here's a list of suggested qualities, in matched pairs. Any of these could lead to complications and hilarity: Friendly or Aloof, Adorable or Repulsive, Athletic or Crippled, Beautiful or Ugly, Blessed or Cursed, Bold or Timid, Calm or Excitable, Clever or Stupid, Delicate or Gluttonous, Dependable or Unreliable, Energetic or Lazy, Flexible or Stubborn, Meek or Bullying, Gentle or Rough, Funny or Boring, Graceful or Awkward, Gracious or Petty, Healthy or Frail, Inconspicuous or Loud, Kind or Cruel, Modest or Arrogant, Naive or Gullible, Observant or Oblivious, Patient or Short-tempered, Pious or Blasphemous, Pleasant or Foul, Quick or Clumsy, Resourceful or Foolish, Soft or Hardened, and Talented or Useless. EXAMPLE Now the characters are really starting to take shape. From their types and their own sharing of ideas, all the players have a good idea of what sorts of people they are dealing with. Joel kicks off the assigning of qualities with an obvious choice - he makes Her Ladyship pious. Mike sees Val's knave as a real loser, so he makes him boring. Val sees an interesting possibility and adds kind to her knave. They continue adding qualities until all the characters are fully fledged. Mike Her Ladyship, a prude. Pious, but gluttonous and petty. The Tutor, a gossip. Energetic and observant, but gullible. Knave #1, rake (Young Miss) and optimist (Nurse). Gracious but lazy. Val Young Sir, a fighting man. Athletic, but arrogant and short-tempered. The Nurse, a clown. Adorable and pleasant, but blasphemous. Knave #2, lout (Chambermaid) and debtor (Her Ladyship), kind but boring. Joel Young Miss, an innocent. Beautiful, but foolish and useless. The Chambermaid, a tyrant. Bold and quick, but cruel. Knave #3, official (Tutor) and firebrand (Young Sir), soft but awkward. STEP FOUR Give everyone a name from the list provided and discuss the relationships and possibilities. If anything doesn't work, change types or qualities until everyone is eager to get started. * * * PART TWO: PLAYING THE GAME The Manor takes place in three acts, and each act will probably take between an hour and two hours to play, depending on your style. SCENES Each player has the opportunity to frame six scenes during the game. They can be declared, act by act, in whatever frequency and sequence desired. The obvious choice is to frame two scenes per act, but there is nothing stopping you from framing all six in the third act if that works for you. If multiple parties wish to frame a scene, negotiate the best order based on what has the potential to be the most interesting and fun. Be flexible and gracious. Every scene has a focal character. They are central to the scene and the action features them prominently. A player must choose one of his three characters to have the focus in each scene he frames. It need not be the same character, and he need not devote the same amount of attention to each of the three. RESOLVING CONFLICTS The fewer characters involved in a conflict, the more potent the outcome. (?) Every side in the conflict will roll one or more dice. The size of the dice will vary depending on the nature of the conflict, and the number will depend on bonuses sought or earned. The side with the highest cumulative total wins the conflict. TYPES OF CONFLICTS There are four types of conflicts, based on the nature of the characters, their approach, and what is at stake. Conflicts can employ dominance, subterfuge, manipulation, or the catch-all of everything else. Every character is really good at a particular sort of conflict, and not so good at the other kinds. Dominance conflicts involve the projection of power - social, temporal, religious, or otherwise. If obedience is a key factor, it is probably a dominance conflict. The masters excel at dominating others, issuing orders and getting their toadies to whip recalcitrant servants when necessary. Masters roll a d10 in dominance conflicts. Knaves roll a d8 and servants, a miserable d4. Subterfuge conflicts involve behind-the-scenes wheeling and dealing, passive-aggressive brinksmanship, petty household espionage, and - in the case of servants - achieving success through failure. Servants cling to this as one of the few means at their disposal of engaging in conflicts successfully. Servants roll a d10 in subterfuge conflicts. Masters roll a d8 and knaves, a lowly d4. Manipulation conflicts involve engineering favorable outcomes through word and deed. It can run the gamut from transparent sycophancy and flattery to confidence games and dark conspiracy. Wheedling and currying favor, knaves are expert manipulators. Knaves roll a d10 in manipulation conflicts. Servants roll a d8 and masters, a pathetic d4. Everything else is a grab bag for conflicts that fall outside the specialties of the various manor residents. Any overtly physical contest, like a hog butchering contest, will generally play out as everything else. In everything else conflicts, the playing field is leveled, which ought to be enough to make them unattractive. All characters roll a d6. MASTER KNAVE SERVANT Dominance 10 8 4 Subterfuge 8 4 10 Manipulation 4 10 8 Everything else 6 6 6 THE MASTER IS ALWAYS RIGHT RULE In a conflict between master and servant involving dominance, the master always wins. Welcome to the middle ages. If a player wants to get a servant to do something, he merely needs to declare a scene and have his master character issue an order. No matter what the dice say, he wins the conflict and the stakes. (What if multiple parties are involved like knaves?) EARNING BONUS DICE A player can earn bonus dice to use in any scene - and for any character - he wishes. The bonus die is a resource that is not tied to particular characters. They can be used immediately or stockpiled. Bonus dice should be kept track of with coins or tokens, because their size is variable. If it is your scene, you get a bonus die. If you invoke a quality and role-play its inclusion in the scene to the satisfaction of your fellow players, you get a bonus die. If you narrate in a non-player character, you get a bonus die. If only two dice total are rolled in a scene, both participants get two bonus dice to use in a later conflict. If less than five dice are rolled in a scene, all participants get a bonus die to use in a later conflict. HOW BONUS DICE WORK Bonus dice scale upward with quantity. A single bonus die, applied to a side in a conflict, adds a d4 to that side's total. If a second bonus die is added, it adds a d6, in addition to the first die's d4. A third die is a d8 and a fourth is a d10. If a fifth die is added, the progression resets at d4 and escalates accordingly. In practical terms, this means that working with your friends to add four bonus dice to your side is awesome, but unless you are prepared to add a whole lot more, that is a good place to stop. ACTS Spring Spring Festival Beginning of the Period of Suffering ACT ONE Shrove Tuesday (confess your sins), Carnival, Ash Wednesday, beginning of lent, March 7. Plow and harrow as soon as the ground is soft enough; sow spring grains; calving continues. ACT TWO Fasting during Lent is severe. Meat, fish, eggs and milk products are strictly forbidden, and only one meal is taken each day.Plant onions and leeks; plant flax; wean calves; get milking and dairy work underway; farrowing (birth of piglets). Laetare Sunday, This is also the Sunday when Roman Catholics are given a day's "reprieve" from things each gives up for Lent. ACT THREE Easter Sunday(roast lamb and simnel cake) April 22Weed winter corn; remove moss from thatched roofs and repair; sow pulses; capture swarming bees; mark sheep; plant beets, carrots, cabbages, and other garden vegetables. St. Word's Day, Wordsday, the end of the Period of Suffering Summer The summer begins with the celebration of St. Catlip's Day on the solstice, which involves distributing cider to the poor with predictable consequences. St. Catlip's day is followed by a solid month of sheep shearing and hay mowing for the peasants, followed by another month in which the tedium of mowing is relieved by the tedium of the corn, flax, and hemp harvests. As the crisp air of fall arrives, turnip planting time returns! As the warm weather turns cold and rainy, the peasants gather straw and harvest winter grain. Fall The pagan Harvest Festival September: Harvest peas; breed cattle; harvest honey; plow fields for winter grain; sow winter wheat and rye; harvest apples, blackberries; take excess stock to market.Bee honey collection in septemberMartinmas and hog slaughtering October: Sow winter barley and oats; harvest grapes; make wine and verjuice; breed sheep; let pigs forage on acorns and beechnuts. Hallowmass November: Unsuspecting pigs get fatter and fatter; take in firewood; threshing and winnowing continue through the winter. Winter Glontonmas, St. Glonton's Day December: Slaughter hogs; never too early to shovel manure; Merry Christmas! Yule, the winter solstice January: Clear ditches; cut wood; breed sows; spread manure; "camping"; early lambs born. February: Prune grapes and fruit trees; prune and mend hedgerows; mend fences; kill moles; plant willow; add lime, chalk and manure to soil; lambing continues; calving begins. THE MANOR BUILDINGS The manor is particularly fine and is widely known among local nobility for its first-rate butter. Within the inner gate there is a capacious hall, pleasing and ancient, with great oak beams high above a long dining table. Four smaller tables on trestles line the walls. A massive stone chimney rises from a fireplace big enough to hold three men standing. The Lord's chamber is on the western end, with a large comfortable bed, a fireplace, and a wardrobe; a necessary chamber and library adjoin this. Also on the western end of the hall are two large guest rooms. On the eastern end there is a deep pantry and a buttery. A side-room attaches the hall to a well-provisioned chapel with a tile-covered roof, a portable altar, and a tasteful crucifix. The kitchen is excellent, another tile-covered structure removed from the great hall. it contains a furnace and ovens - one large and another - for cakes - smaller. There are two tables in the kitchen, and a modest bake-house and brewery adjoins it. There is a new granary with oak shingles, and a dairy barn, and a hen-house. Nearby is the chaplain's residence, which includes a necessary chamber. Outside of this gate are the old servant's quarters, which is a long, sub-divided structure with a single good table in the public space on the north end, two stables (larger and smaller) for horses, and two barns - one for wheat and one for oats. The manor Steward and his family live in a lovely and well-lit house. There is also a hut provided with a bed for the Chamberlain, attached to which, much to the Chamberlain's dismay, is the kennel. All these buildings are enclosed with a moat, a wall, and a hedge. Further afield still, approaching town, are a good barn and a pair of dilapidated stables for cows and oxen. Also beyond the outer gate is a pig sty. THE MANOR STAFF (Player characters in brackets) Steward, the administrator of the entire demesne Chamberlain, overseer of the manor proper, is the imposing chief servant who sees to His Lordship's affairs and does not tolerate indolence, disobedience, or reckless behavior from his inferiors or fiscal irresponsibility from his superiors. Clerk, keeper of accounts [Dogsbody, His Lordship's valet and server] Cup-bearer, server [Chambermaid, Her Ladyship's attendant and dresser] Ladies attendant, for female guest and children Manservant, for male guests [Nurse, for Young Miss] [Tutor, for Young Sir] Barber Seamstress and laundress First scullery maid Second scullery maid Chaplain Altar boy [Cook, ruler of the kitchen] Baker Brewer First Cook's helper and Goatherd Second Cook's helper Hayward, maintains the hedges and grounds Marshal, maintains the horses and carts Farrier, horse groomer Kenneler, dog keeper Gardener, maintains garden Bailiff, oversees guard and law and order Sergeant Armorer Five men-at-arms Forester, huntsman and forest-keeper Swineherd Shepherd In the village: Reeve, overseer of manor peasant work and village mayor Priest, local religious leader for peasantry Carpenter FAMILY His Lordship is the hereditary lord of the manor. His faults are many and his virtue singular, but he is the apex of the feudal hierarchy and his word is, unfortunately, law. Her Ladyship is the wife of His Lordship. The ultimate authority in matters feminine and maternal within her domain, Her Ladyship stands as an imperfect and fearsome edifice. Her power is frequently far-reaching and terrible to behold. Young Sir is the heir apparent. A child of unspeakable wealth and privilege, his attitudes have been shaped by an utter lack of accountability. He may be a mere child, or he may be a hot-blooded knight eager for his father to die. Young Miss is the daughter of the Lord and Lady of the manor, her brother's equal in conscienceless depravity. Like Young Sir, her age can vary from stumbling toddler to unmarried burden. Our Cherished Relative is an aunt, uncle, or cousin to His Lordship or Her ladyship. Shamelessly or obliviously living off the reluctant largesse of His Lordship, Our Cherished Relative has become a fixture in the manor and cannot be ejected. SERVANTS The Dogsbody is His Lordship's butler and valet. Privy to every detail of His Lordship's life, proclivities, and bodily functions, the Dogsbody is, by necessity, a man of discretion. The Chambermaid is Her Ladyship's attendant and dresser. She may be young and pretty or an old crone, depending on the whims and insecurities of Her Ladyship, but she will be quick with a soothing platitude and a hair brush. The Nurse is Young Misses confidante and companion. If Young Miss is of age, the Nurse becomes The Chaperone, protector of a maiden's virtue. In either case, her principal responsibility is to protect Young Miss from knowledge of any sort. The Tutor is Young Sir's instructor and aide-de-camp. If Young Sir is of age, the Tutor becomes The Chaplain, a young man's spiritual guide. Regardless of his position, it is his central duty to keep Young Sir alive and sound of body, an occasionally difficult task. The Cook is Our Cherished Relative's friend and confederate. The Cook oversees a staff of beleaguered aides, including a baker, a brewer, several kitchen scuts and a goatherd. Like Our Cherished Relative, he is not a man prone to hard work, and the two have a natural affinity.